The Difference Between Being Stressed and Having Panic Attacks
When you have a panic attack, you can’t escape. There is no escaping the swirl, and you drown
Two nights ago I was sitting with my neighbor on the porch in front of our building. We were enjoying the fresh breeze that swiftly made its way through the city’s street during the otherwise hot and humid summers of Osaka.
We were going on about our usual conversations when Ed suddenly asked me:
“Could you tell me more about your panic attacks? I want to understand.”
It’s a topic we discuss sometimes, and one that I am happy to talk about. It is important to raise awareness for the issue, to get everyone on board. He continued:
“I understand some of the symptoms, like hyperventilation, shortness of breath, dizziness, and so on. But, can you maybe describe it better?”
I paused and thought for a second. As I started making up my answer, I warned him:
“Everyone experiences them differently, so I can only talk for myself here.”
I went on to detail him my experiences with panic attacks as precisely as I could.
He paid close attention, and when I finished, he replied:
“But you see, I have experienced a lot of the things that you have just described there. I felt completely overwhelmed at times, not knowing what to do, feeling stressed out. So, what’s the difference with a panic attack?”
I had to pause again and think longer. What is the difference? A cockroach ran up the wall behind him. Some cars racing down the avenue left a trail of noise behind them. How can I answer that question?
“I think…”I started to reply, but I hesitated. I was not sure about what answer to give him. How can I formulate it? Digging deep in my thoughts, reflecting on my experiences, I felt like I was getting close to finding a satisfactory answer, but not yet quite there. I asked him a question instead:
“What do you do when you get to that point? What do you do when you feel overwhelmed?”
He didn’t hesitate long to answer.
“Well, I say fuck it. I go out, have a drink, go for a walk and let be what was stressing me out for a while.”
And that’s the difference.
“There you have it, Ed. When you feel overwhelmed, stressed, it’s bad. But, you can walk away anytime, get yourself a slice of fried chicken from the convenience store, rejoice and move on. When you have a panic attack, you can’t. There is no escaping the swirl, and you drown.”
That night, I didn’t figure out the best way to phrase it, but I got on to something. When you’re getting closer to the peak of a panic attack, there will be a point of no return. And when this fine line is crossed, you’re trapped.
That’s when the hyperventilation starts, the blurry vision, the heart pounding. That’s when I curl up under the table, hopeless, and the only thing left to do is wait. When the panic attack hits, I can sense it coming days before.
I will feel myself becoming more and more irritable. Small details will stress me more than they should be. A part of me becomes aggressive. In my head I imagine myself having arguments with people. I want to lash out at someone.
The storm is brewing. I know it. My brother and close friends have probably already received a text from me saying: I think I will have a panic attack tonight.
But there is always a final trigger, and it’s never the same. It’s hiding where I don’t expect it, and when it finds me, the glass overflows.
If you might experience similar feelings at times, the key is to know when, or how, to walk away from it before it’s too late. The ability to still be able to do so is what makes the difference between dealing with stress issues, and having panic attacks.
However, the former can easily become the latter if not well managed. It’s important to talk, and share. Even it is only in your journal.
On the porch of our building, I told Ed:
“You know, I think there are a lot of people dealing with these kinds of issues, but they just don’t talk about it. Mental health is often a taboo topic. They will just discard stress, not taking it seriously enough. That’s when bad gets to worse.”
Of course, everyone deals with stress. Some level of stress is normal, and can even have a positive impact on you. But it’s important to keep track of it, and to monitor one’s feelings.
Because, as easy as it might be to walk away from a stressful situation for some, freeing yourself from recurring panic attacks is a mountain of work.
If you don’t know what you’re dealing with, if you’re worried, reach out.
